New York, NY — Friday, September 13, 2019

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‘HOPE’ IS LOST

Touted cruise ship mysteriously vanishes, no sign of survivors

The Hope departed for its maiden voyage on a dark and stormy night.

Following years of hype only rivaled by the debut of the Titanic over 100 years ago, the cruise liner known as Hope has perhaps met an even more tragic fate. After having set sail on its maiden voyage the evening of Wednesday, September 10, the ship appears to have vanished completely from the face of the earth, it was reported this morning. Authorities are baffled. 

The same ship originally made headlines five years ago when it was known as the Boreas, discovered crewless and drifting in the Atlantic Ocean after its own reported disappearance in the 1950s. Now, history seems to be repeating itself.

Missing person column: Mr. Drexler

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Astrologist summit results revealed!

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Hollywood star and playboy on vacation

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New York, NY — Friday, September 13, 2019

Missing! Fargo Drexler, P.I.

Private investigator Fargo Drexler is one of the citizens missing along with the Hope cruise liner’s disappearance.

According to his neighbors, Drexler has been working as a private investigator for more than 20 years now, and this would be his first ‘vacation’ since. We found many cases he solved before, like the case of a missing cat, a cheating husband, and was working on a lost bracelet before his holiday.

Astronomers summit results revealed!

Attention everyone: astronomers claim of strange events happening in our skies. The orbits of the planets in our solar system are aligning in a most unusual way: the planets of our solar system form a perfect line which was considered to be impossible before.

Some people may not be entertained by this news: modern-day doomsayers claim that these events cause a rift between dimensions, and otherwordly creatures could find their way into our dimension. A child’s tale to be sure, but an interesting one!

Hollywood star and playboy on vacation

Only weeks into a trial separation from her octogenarian husband, hasbeen Hollywood headliner Lena Feng-Schway was seen in public with infamous playboy Giorgo Golo.

Both celebrities are known for their complicated relationship statuses, and there is nothing new under the sun this time: They were seen together boarding the Hope. It may be too early to draw conclusions from this, but it seems that birds of a feather still flock together.